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--------------------------------------------------------------------------- TRACKS IN THE SAND UNCOVERING CHRISTIAN MEN'S ISSUES On-line issue Issue #2 - Nov/Dec 1991 Tracks in the Sand is in text file available on BBS's and America On Line It is uploaded as TRACKV02.TXT, the number is the issue number and year. Feel free to upload and pass the issue around. We appreceiate letters to the Editor, comments and articles. You can be added to our mailing list by contacting us on CompuServe or America On Line. Computer Board Address America On Line GSK502 or PeterJac CompuServe 71461,166 IN THIS ISSUE ============= A LOOK AT SEXUAL PROBLEMS IN THE CLERGY THE CYCLE OF SEXUAL ADDICTION THE SPREAD OF SEXUAL CANCER FREEDOM FROM SEXUAL ADDICTION Book Review: SECRETS OF YOUR FAMILY TREE ***** COMING EVENTS ***** MEN'S GROUP ANNOUNCEMENT Poem: FEEDING MY MASTER ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- A LOOK AT SEXUAL PROBLEMS IN THE CLERGY by Bob Matthews, M.F.C.C. Even as I begin thin article I am aware of the tendency by those to whom it may apply to ignore or discount the fact that this relates to them. Denial is the core of any addiction. Sexual addiction can be defined as a "pathological relationship with a mood-altering experience," as Patrick Carnes says in his book Contrary to Love. The sex addicts behavior has become a cycle of thinking, feeling and acting which is beyond their ability to control. I will deal with one particular segment of the population, those in ministry. However, anyone who reads this may see elements which are directly applicable to their own lives. We have all heard the over-publicized stories of the evangelist caught with a prostitute or the pastor guilty of sexual misconduct with a church member. But these stories are only the tip of the iceberg. This fact is the number of people in the ministry with sexual problems is far higher than we may wish to admit. What causes these "men or women of God" to fall? Why are they often so vulnerable to dangerous situations and yet seemingly unaware of the danger? As a former pastor and one who now works with those who are sexually addicted, I have become increasingly aware of characteristics that are similar to both men and women in all parts of our society - even those in the ministry. Let's take a look at some of these dynamics. ISOLATION: The ministry, my its very nature, can cut off clergy form those who might otherwise offer them emotional support. Those in ministry can experience a unique form of isolation and, compared to others don't live normal lives. A recent newspaper article outlined this unique isolation as the so called "clerical fishbowl," the unusual situation that ministers exist in. Elements include the need to be the "perfect family," a lack of privacy, meager finances and lack of quality time for family life. Among other things, these factors support and maintain a perceived need for secrecy among those in public ministry. Secrecy: If someone in ministry is involved with some type of sexual problem, shame about what the person is doing or feeling makes it difficult to discuss the subject with anyone. In her book "Escape from Intimacy," Anne Wilson Schaff says that "sexual addiction carries a particularly large component of shame and denial with it." Steve Arterburn in his recent book "Addicted to Love," says "...the stigma of being a sex addict is...great. Sex addicts fear what others would think if they knew of their problem." The fact that sexuality may not have often be discussed freely contributes to the shame. Any sexual trauma in childhood will only intensify the problem. Sometimes incidents in childhood are blocked from memory. Other times, effect is discounted but the shame and secrecy of those events only surface later in a sexual addict's life. Caretaking: People involved in the ministry, feel to help others. Often, this need to focus on others and the desire to steer situations towards a particular end, conspire to keep those in ministry from the important task of developing a healthy sense of self-identity. This perpetuates the denial system and promotes secrecy. ACCOUNTABILITY: Often those in ministry place themselves, or are placed by others, in situations that require little or one continuing accountability. Even in ministerial training the idea of leaders developing close friendships within their congregations is often discouraged in order to avoid favoritism. Attempts to become accountable to another may be perceived as a sign of weakness. Rejection can the result, again sustaining the system of isolation, secrecy, caretaking, and sexual addiction. Pastors who talk amongst themselves tend to focus upon success rather than failure, which only gives the impression to those who are struggling with sexual problems that they are in fact less than "perfect" or less than "the ideal." There is only one way to break this pattern and that is to talk about it. A simple answer? Yes! But it is not so simply done. The need to break the cycle of addiction - of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior and despair - requires help. In more severe cases it may require a hospital setting. Many will need to talk to a therapist or counselor. Some may find help in a group of pastors, although the lack of trust will probably be a limiting factor to this solution. Because of these reasons, many will find it easier to make excuses not to seek help and to remain in pain and denial. This is true not only for those in public ministry but anyone who identifies with part or all of an addictive cycle. If you find yourself in this position, it will take an extraordinary amount of desire, strength and courage to break the pattern of secrecy, isolation, and co-dependency but I encourage you to do so. Though difficult, This journey will likely e the most rewarding one of your life. Bob Matthews, MFCC, a former minister now in practice at the Marriage Family and Child Counseling Center of Orange, California You can reach him at: (714)-836-1101 THE CYCLE OF SEXUAL ADDICTION Obsession Personal Pain Emotional or sexual trigger Mind saturated with sexual thoughts │ V The Hunt Search for sex "object" Place to masturbate Pornography Sexual partner Often Highly ritualized │ V Recruitment Purchase or proposition │ V Gratification Orgasm by whatever means Ritualistic sex │ V Return to Normal Brief interlude Obsession lifts, switch turned off │ V Justification "It wasn't so bad." "Everyone does it." "I needed/deserved it." │ V Blame Seek scapegoat Anyone can be target Shirk responsibility │ V Shame Guilt and remorse Bottom rung of society │ V Despair Greater pain than before acting out Hopelessness │ V Promises "Never again!" Promises trigger obsessive thinking Cycle stars over again Excerpt from "Addicted to 'Love'," by Stephen Arterburn, page 128 Servant Publications, 1991 THE SPREAD OF SEXUAL CANCER "Christians workers face many problems as Peter Steinke, director of clergy care for a large Protestant denomination in Texas found out. Working therapeutically with 350 ministers over a period of seven years. Sixty-five of the ministers had been involved in extramarital affairs before or at the time of therapy. Fully 75 percent admitted to having difficulties in their own marriages. Their affairs usually involved partners in close proximity to work: church organists, secretaries, staff members or their spouses, counselees, or church members. Steinke found that as a group, the ministers had underestimated their own emotional needs and had overestimated their ability to disentangle themselves from their illicit relationships. Such statistics are in no way unique to Steinke's denomination; the cancer is, unfortunately, spreading throughout the church." "Secrets Of Your Family Tree," Moody Press 1991 Chapter 5, by: Alice Brawand, Page 117 FREEDOM FROM SEXUAL ADDICTION by Gene McConnell Shame. It's an emotion we've all felt, and all of us desperately try to avoid. In fact, the episodes from my life I'm about to share with your were so private and shameful to me that at one time I very nearly killed to keep them a secret. I paid a terrible price in my life for these secret shames. Unpleasant and uncomfortable though it may be for me and my family to look back at these terrible times in my life, I want to help others to avoid paying the awful price, of being alone with the shame of an escalating addiction to pornography. I'm often asked, "Why you? Other people look at pornography without letting it get a hold on their lives. Why were you different?" Before answering this, let me warn you that I think there are thousands perhaps millions of men out there who are no different from me. Pornography has not become an $8 billion a year business apart from a large number of dedicated customers. We are only beginning to uncover the enormous numbers of men who are susceptible to this addiction. In my own work with men's groups, the frequency of men with problems that have a potential to become full-scale addictions is astonishing. My own addiction had its roots in a time when I was very young (age of nine) during which I was sexually molested by an older boy. This was followed by another molestation that occurred at a camp I attended at age twelve. Between the two experiences, the relationship of my sexuality to my self-esteem was thrown seriously off-course. When I found my uncle's hidden stash of soft-core pornography several months after the second molestation, my emotional ground was broken enough for those seeds to sink deep and grow quickly into a devastating force in my life. I began to introduce other boys to pornography. I made sure to spend several nights a week over at my uncle's house. I even introduced my cousin to the pornography there. When my uncle's stash of material was no longer titillating, I began to frequent liquor stores that sold pornography. No one seemed to mind my looking at the magazines. I bought when I could, and when I couldn't I would steal them, and sell the pictures at school. I quickly learned that the more graphic and explicit the photos, the more money I made. This began a slow progression from the "men's magazine" pornography which I had encountered at my uncles to the hardest type of pornography I could find at the liquor stores. Several other boys became my associates in these escapades. We would dare each other to ever more risky attempts to steal pornography. Often, one of us would occupy the person at the counter so the others could steal what we wanted. The thrill of this risk was intoxicating to me. But even this thrill wasn't enough after a while. The pictures in the magazines became overly familiar after a while, and I began to look for more life-like and dangerous ways to satisfy my need. I began to experiment with voyeurism, watching girls undress through holes in the wall or windows, or sneaking into the girls showers. I even took advantage of opportunities to view my sister's girlfriends on nights when they would sleep over. The tragedy was that my pornography habit kept me totally alienated from real relationships with girls. I found it difficult to relate to real girls who didn't behave like the girls in pornography. I didn't have girlfriends, because the girls I met or dated reacted with fear and disgust to my pornography- inspired advances toward them. Pornography had taught me that the way to be accepted and loved was through sex, but in reality my obsession with sex brought me only alienation and rejection. I remember my yearning for attention and recognition being so acute that I took to partially exposing myself from a window. In the scenarios I had read in Playboy fantasies, exhibitionism led to exciting encounters. But once again, I found people were frightened and disgusted with me, not excited. The rejection in my life continued to be compounded, forcing me ever deeper into fantasy to find the acceptance I craved. All this continued to escalate, moving into harder and harder material and more risky episodes through my high school years until finally a crucial experience at a church camp motivated me into a recommitment to the religious values I had casually accepted while growing up as a preacher's kid. I dropped my pornography habit cold. I enrolled in Bible college in order to prepare to work in the establishing of new churches. Finally, I opened my own roofing business, married my wife, Joni. I firmly believed that I had turned my life around. But the injury my life had been subjected to had not been dealt with or healed properly. I was like a man walking around on a badly-healed broken leg. There was a fundamental weakness only waiting for an unusual stress for another break to occur. That stress occurred eighteen months after my marriage. My wife was pregnant with our first child, and because of her symptoms and reaction to the pregnancy, our sexual relationship began to evaporate. Although I attempted to deal with the mounting stress in our marriage, I was not succeeding. On one particular day during this time, I was driving past an adult bookstore when my sexual frustration nagged me into going inside. It's difficult to describe my reaction to my first visit to a hard-core adult bookstore. I was deeply shocked and disgusted at the material I saw there. I was ashamed of myself and promised myself never to go into a place like that again. But the sight of this hard-core material and my shame at being there was also like a sudden injection of some incredible drug straight into my veins. In an awful way, it excited me tremendously. And in spite of my vow to myself, I found that as my relationship with my wife worsened, I returned - again and again. As it had in high school, my revived pornography addiction began to consume more and more of my time. I found reasons and excuses to visit the store for more and more hours each day. My business and church responsibilities began to suffer as much as my marriage. I would hide money from my wife to spend on pornography. Finally, I was finally forced into bankruptcy. Still my habit progressed. And then came a move to California, and things got better for a time. It's difficult to explain completely, but at each critical time in the progression of my addiction, I felt I was being given providential opportunities, chances to stop, and turn myself around. But in the end, I didn't take them. Yet, the move to California was a chance like that, and for several months I tried to commit myself to making a new start for my family and business. Then one day my business carried me to an area where there were adult bookstores and I fell completely back into my addiction, picking up where I had left off. It became such an easy way out of all my feelings of rejection - - feelings that I was inadequate and that no woman could accept me and love me. In my pornographic fantasies, those needs for love and acceptance were met. Once again, my addiction drew me into more and more graphic and even violent material. Gradually, I found a growing interest in sadistic pornography. In the ever-increasing violence of my fantasies, I found an outlet for my anger and all the rejection I had faced from a life time of women who wouldn't love me or meet my needs. As my mental scenarios demanded more graphic expression, I gravitated to more and more twisted and horrible pornography, into material that once would have nauseated me. I want to make it clear, before I proceed with my account of the final stages of my addiction, that pornography never FORCED me to make these choices - at least at first. But at each stage, as pornography began to have longer and more influential contact with my life, my ability to resist the compulsion for it grew ever weaker until I was seemingly powerless to resist it. I now found myself in a seemingly helpless situation. I remember times when I would be driving by a liquor store where pornography was available and it would take all of my willpower and every ounce of my mental strength to drive on past....only to find myself turning around and returning to the store to buy it. By this time, images on paper and film were beginning to lose their power to satisfy me. Increasingly, I craved the "real thing." It started out with stepping into a strip-tease joint for the first time. Just as with the bookstore, my first visit left me shocked at myself. I left promising never to return again. But I was soon back, spending hours and hours watching the girls. From there I progressed to massage parlors, and finally to using prostitutes. Just as before, what was at first shocking and repulsive became easier and easier to accept. In fact, it was the shock and repulsion that gave me that "rush" I craved. And I craved it more and more. I would arrange phoney business trips to cover my activities, hiding or even stealing money to cover the costs of my habits. I laid out elaborate plans to keep myself from being suspected or caught. Even in my own mind I lived a double life. I threw myself with everything I had into church and business activities (with what time I had left). I became a model of an upstanding, "spiritual" community member, and was a dedicated youth pastor at church. I was desperately trying to prove to myself that I really was "OK." I realize now, reviewing the headlines of the last several years, that some other men who seem to throw themselves into making a spiritual "name" for themselves were probably doing the same thing I was - compensating for devastating inner problems. Like some of these prominent men, my public life was commendable, but the fruit of my private life was full of bitterness and pain. This pain only increased as I made futile attempts to draw closer to my wife for fulfillment. As I put pressure on her to "perform" like the women of pornographic fantasies, she naturally responded with revulsion. Ironically, I even tried to "spiritualize" my requests by appealing to distorted biblical ideas about her duty of "submission" to coerce her. But again my attempts at closeness only ended in more alienation and anger. As this anger was building , I found that even my visits to prostitutes didn't dissipate the rage inside me. More and more, I found myself fantasizing about satisfying myself and venting my rage at the same time. I began to entertain thoughts of raping a woman. At first, it seemed only like a game. I would make intricate plans in my mind about how I would do it without being caught. Then I began to do "trial runs" of a rape. I would visit dark parking lots at night and follow women home. But something always stopped me. It remained, for the moment, a game - but an ever more serious game. Finally as I was getting out of my car at a racquetball club. I saw a girl walking to her car alone in the dark parking lot. She fit my mental scenario perfectly. Something inside me said "she's yours," and my game became a reality. I followed her to her car and asked directions as I positioned myself in front of her open car door. Then I lunged at her, and forced my way into her car, my hands on her throat. Terrified, she asked me what I was going to do to her. I told her. A look of pure fear came into her eyes, and unexpectedly, that fear shocked me like a slap in the face. Suddenly, while my hands were still clenched around her throat, I realized what was happening - how far I had come down a horrible road. I came to the sickening realization that I had intended to kill this woman, if necessary, to keep my terrible secret. Reeling from the shock of my awakening, I stumbled backwards, muttered something about having made "a mistake," and walked in a daze straight to my car. I need to emphasize that not until that moment, when I was a razor's edge away from killing someone, was I finally forced to admit that I had a terrible, uncontrollable problem. Up until that time, even though my will was being increasingly sapped by my addiction, I had still managed to lie to myself. Now the truth descended on me like a rushing avalanche. Once the truth was out, it pursued me relentlessly. Naturally, the woman had seen me walk to my car and taken my license number. As I was home beginning to open my secret up to my wife, the police came to my door and arrested me. After that came time in jail. I tried to defend myself by pointing to my sterling reputation in the community. This was just a one-time occurrence, my attorney argued. And so I was given a lenient sentence. At church I was removed from leadership and made to "confess" in front of the congregation. Unlike problems such as alcoholism, my addictions were the type of sin that unspoken rules dictated not be openly discussed - or forgiven. I became a spiritual "leper" and found little support from my former "friends." Little wonder, then, that I didn't "confess" my entire pornography problem. I was still playing a game of damage control, and I revealed as little as possible. I bitterly regretted having been caught, but not the process that led to my personal catastrophe. Naturally, the strain on my marriage - already near the breaking point - reached a critical stage during the aftermath of the rape attempt. In a last-ditch effort to save my marriage, I took my wife on a get-away to the costal California town of Santa Barbara. But it only ended in a hot and bitter fight. Deep in my heart, I still resented the rejection I felt from everyone, especially my wife. In a self-justifying tirade I rehearsed to myself how my entire problem had really been her fault. "If only she had met my need," I thought. "If only she had totally accepted me, I wouldn't have had to look elsewhere." My marriage, I decided, was over. And then, something extraordinary happened. God reached down and touched the eyes of my understanding, and like a nearsighted man putting on his first pair of glasses, I suddenly SAW my situation as God saw it. Like a cornered animal with no where to run, I finally found myself face to face with the TRUTH, and my life changed forever. Please don't think I was instantly healed of my addiction. It has been a process, and not always an easy one. But from that moment, it is as if a door cracked open and shed light on the first step on the road to FREEDOM - freedom to control my own life again. Step by step, God began to show me principles of TRUTH that led me along the path of freedom. In the next issue of Tracks in the Sand I would like you to walk with me down the path that lead me to me FREEDOM FROM SEXUAL ADDICTION. If pornography, fantasy, masturbation or other sexual preoccupations are exerting ANY amount of control in your life, you need to be free. If you doubt that, I hope you'll share my journey in the next issue. Gene McConnell is an ordained minister and area director with California Care Coalition. You may reach him by writing c/o California Care Coalition, PO Box 19608-327, Irvine, CA 92713 or by phone at (800) 400-9008 Book Review SECRETS OF YOUR FAMILY TREE by: Alice Brawand, Dave Carder, Dr. Earl Henslin, Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud Moody Press 1991 Have you recently discovered that you are from a so-called "dysfunctional family" (a rather popular new phase which describes problems in our family of origin?) If so. then you will find this a refreshing look at "ordinary families in ordinary, everyday struggles." One topic the authors look at is the "family rules," the support system of the dysfunctional family. These rules are: Don't Talk Don't Trust Don't Feel The presentation of this topic is the foundation from which people can begin to understand the background and secrets of their own family tree. Those of us who are in recovery know that the best of our thinking got us into our addictions. As we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him, we began to recover. In this book there is an opportunity to see how you can develop a personal relationship with your Higher Power based on who you are now, rather that on your role in your family of origin. It is possible that some of us may see our lives written on each page, while others may only see a glimpse here and there. Whether you have a limp, or suffer from a major wound from your family of origin, this book offers hope that there is healing for you as you encounter the liberating truth. If you are one of those lucky people that came from a "perfect family", I would still recommend this book to you. It can open a perspective which allows empathy and understanding to spring up for those of us who have gone through life silently burying our unspeakable family secrets. I also highly recommend this book to persons in the ministry as a tool and resource which will enhance your abilities to bring truth and healing to a hurting and dying people. Review by: Gary S. Kalus ***** COMING EVENTS ***** Tracks in the Sand encourages personal development through seminars, retreats, workshops, consortiums, and conferences. The following is a list of organizations currently presenting these types of opportunities for men to experience growth and development of the whole person. RENEWAL ASSOCIATES INC. Renewal Associates exists to encourage work in psychology, religion and the arts and to promote personal and professional enrichment and spiritual renewal through seminars, consortiums, invitational conferences and consultation. As an educationally-oriented consulting group, Renewal Associates designs and presents programs and curriculum that encourage development of the whole person: behavioral, psychological and spiritual. The corporation acts as a resource base for specialists in the areas of human relations and psychological and spiritual development. A such, they are committed to working alongside and within the helping and care-giving professions. PERSONAL RENEWAL CONSORTIUM FOR THERAPIST "WHERE THERAPISTS FIND A SAFE PLACE" PLACE: SAINT ANDREW'S PRIORY, VALYERMO, CA DATE: APRIL 3 - 5, 1992 *********************************** BEING A MAN AMONG MEN "PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT OF TRUE MASCULINITY" PLACE: SAINT ANDREW'S PRIORY, VALYERMO, CA DATE: JULY 24 - 26, 1992 *********************************** For more information about the above consortiums contact David Baker of Renewal Associates Inc. (714) 597-4266 NEWPORT BEACH VINEYARD The Newport Beach Vineyard is sponsoring a seminar which will feature James Wilder as the principal speaker. James is an author, minister and licensed clinical psychologist. His book "Just Between Father & Son" underscores the important rite-of-passage relationships which should transpire between father and son. From this perspective, his book is weighted toward prevention by taking a healthy look at sex, self-control, falling in love, drugs, alcohol, smoking, physical changes in puberty, and self-esteem from a godly point-of- view. This weekend with James promises to be one where men will not only learn to be a "father" but to be "fathered" themselves. It is not just for those of us who have children in our homes. It is a weekend for any man from 16 to 80 who needs to hear the Father's voice of acceptance. HEARING THE FATHER'S VOICE PLACE: NEWPORT BEACH VINEYARD, NEWPORT BEACH, CA DATE: JUNE 12 - 13, 1992 For more information about this retreat contact David Halliburton at the Newport Vineyard (714) 556-8463 ON THE INCREASE Tracks in the Sand is increasing in circulation; aggressively reaching out to men of all faiths. The results of the first issue have been very encouraging. We are looking for ways to improve quality, broaden our audience and bring current men's topics to light from the Christian point-of-view. Tracks in the Sand is free for the asking. However, we would ask that in order to increase circulation, you consider including your financial support with your request. in this way, the newsletter can continue to minister to men as a free presentation of Christian men's perspective. Please make your NON-tax deductible contribution of $20, $50 $100 or whatever is possible. Tracks in the Sand P. O. Box 1828 Tustin, CA 92680 (714)-751-1012 MEN'S GROUP ANNOUNCEMENT The first issue of Tracks in the Sand generated many requests for information about men's groups. We are seeking to develop such groups and masculine community in general. One of the best ways of doing this is to host an open men's meeting. In the past, this effort was hampered by the lack of a building. However, we are please to announce that Wilson Family Living in Orange, CA, has now offered use of their facilities. Open meetings will now be held on the second Monday of each month. The topics will address men's issues such as: The Father Son Wound Being a Man in the 90's Male Initiation Abandonment Shame Anger & Rage Compulsive/Obsessive Behaviors Fear of Women and more Rather then assemble merely for the purpose of defining our problems, we will instead seek to foster a life changing experience which will begin to bring victory where we have only known defeat. The two primary goals of this meeting are to establish other small groups and to develop a place where men may begin to experience holiness and wholeness. These meetings will provide a judgement- free haven of men to share those things which have been locked up inside for years. This process allows men to begin to break the power of shame, abandonment, and condemnation. In addition, we see this gathering as a place where men can receive and give the "Fathering" and "Brothering" which many of us have never received. Currently, we are beginning a list of small groups and/or individual men interested in getting involved with a group. Please inform us if you are interested in starting such a group or are already involved with a group that is open to new members. You can do this by sending the information to Tracks in the Sand or by calling (714)-751-1012. If you live out of the area and not able to get in touch with a group, or you would like more information about how to get started, a new book by Gary Kalus, MENDING THE NET, will be available in March/April of this year. Mending the Net discusses three types of men's groups and their various goals and formats. So, whether you reside in or out of Southern California and if you are interested in an open men's ;meeting, you may now contact Tracks for more information. We would also like to thank the folks at Wilson Family Living for their support! FEEDING MY MASTER by Gary Metz Last night I fed my master Whom I thought I'd starved to death And with that feeding His strength increasing Till he took my very breath Now I am his slave again And anger in me grows Must I continue These acts of betrayal Against my very soul When will my master die at last When will my soul be free Only when I end my struggle And seek the One greater than me Tracks in the Sand is published by a small group of Christian men. We believe in the power of Jesus Christ to heal the whole person. We recognize that we as men often isolate ourselves in the belief that emotions are not appropriate for us to show, or even to have. Whether this is the result of abuse in our family of origin, or simply the pressure that society places on us as men, we have found that this isolation can result in shame, broken families, obsessive/compulsive behavior, depression, anxiety, addictions, lack of intimacy, people-pleasing, rage, eating disorders, workaholism, stress, and many other unhealthy behaviors. When we began to talk amongst ourselves, we realized that we were not alone. As we continued to share our stories with each other, the prison walls which held us captive began to crumble. This process was not without pain, but we found that as a result of our honesty we were able to have more satisfying, healthy relationships with God and others. It is our desire to provide a vehicle for men to share the pain that has been locked up inside of them for years. By doing so we can break the power of shame and condemnation. We encourage the formation of men's small groups where each participant can bring his innermost secrets into the light and allow other men of faith to minister truth, healing and acceptance in a safe environment of confidentiality. We aspire to give and receive "Fathering" and "Brothering" which many of us have never previously received. The name, TRACKS IN THE SAND, comes from the idea of following someone who has been where we are going, felt what we are feeling and experienced what we are living, It is His tracks that we are following. We hope you join us as a fellow tracker. All Articles are copyrighted and remain the property of the author. Permission to reprint is granted as long as credit is given to both the author and Tracks in the Sand. This publication is supported completely by donations from its readers who thus help offset the cost of printing and mailing. If your would like additional copies of this newsletter, or if you would like to be put on our mailing list, please contact us at our address below. Any financial contributions or manuscripts should be sent to us at: Tracks in the Sand PO Box 1828 Tustin, CA 92680 (715)-751-1012 Editor: Gary Kalus Peter Jacobs Assistant Editor: Bill Faris Contributing Authors: Gene McConnell Gary Kalus Bob Matthews Gary Metz Tom Thompson SPECIAL THANKS TO: Stephen Arterburn for quotes from "Addicted to 'Love'" Servant Publications, 1991 *** AND *** Alice Brawand, Dave Carder, Dr. Earl Henslin, Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud for for quotes from "Secrets of Your Family Tree" Moody Press, 1991 There is no subscription fee. You can get Tracks free by sending us your name and address. However, Tracks is funded by your donations. Please consider sending a contribution. Unsolicited material will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelop.(714) 751-1012